When I was in preschool my parents rented me and my schoolmates twelve ponies for my fifth birthday party. Nowadays I’m mindfully dubious when I reminisce on this memory… mostly because I can’t ever remember wishing for anything remotely close to wanting a pony. Most children (princesses), would have been ecstatic at the opportunity to say their parents help manifest their playground fantasies into something tangible. I, on the other hand, cried the entire party. Not because I was embarrassed, but because I thought the ponies were suffering under the weight of my fat prepubescent booty. And so, because of my feelings towards pony butt cruelty, I stood by crying in my decked-out cowboy costume looking on as the rest of my classmates rode, hugged, and enjoyed my little ponies.
On a parallel tangent to my scarring childhood memories is the infamous ‘Horse Guy’ of Hagley Park, Richard Hayden. He, his two dogs, and his three-year-old horse have been spotted for months walking around most of Christchurch. The first time we met him at Hagley Park, Yen and I were beckoned to top his mighty steed and allowed to ride her. I did notice the horse, Beautifoal (yep, with an ‘oa’), momentarily buckle when I hopped on, but it was nowhere as traumatic as my childhood pony failure.
It is good to know that if you run out gas for your car, or just get bored of walking overrated K-9s you can always…walk your horse. I mean, what else can the man do. He is on bail for allegedly assaulting a police officer.